the wonder and beauty of online shopping
It’s quite possible that the greatest breakthrough of our time is online retail. What could be better than sitting in bed with your laptop, in comfy pajamas, browsing around, seeing what you want, then click, click, it arrives at your door? This internet shopping thing is truly a miraculous invention. I admit, I took this luxury for granted. I forgot those days of trudging uphill in the snow both ways, balancing my purchases on my back, at the mercy of the limited in-store selection.
But never again will I treat the privilege of shopping online so casually. I will treasure it like a precious gift, a delicate glass unicorn like Harmony’s minions got her in that one episode when she decided she would be Buffy’s arch nemesis. Before the days when Buffy needed to know the plural of nemesis. Nemeses?
I have learned my lesson and I share it with you so you too, can treat your online shopping options like a unicorn. Or something like that. It’s possible I’ve lost the metaphor.
Yesterday, I decided to purchase a few monitors (OK, three) and a TV at an online site that will rename unnamed. I merrily browsed around, clicked the little add to cart buttons, entered my discount code, then my credit card information and clicked that magical purchase button. The entire process took maybe five minutes. And then it happened. The dreaded error page. The page didn’t make much sense, just vague wording about a temporary error and how calling the 800 number would make things all better.
I foolishly listened to the error message. In retrospect, I realize that what I should have done was run screaming as far away from my telephone as possible. Or just gone to Fry’s. But instead, I dialed the phone. And was sucked into an inner vortex of hell. It was like Dante’s seventh circle only possible with more boiling blood rivers.
First, the initial conversation to even get to the same point I had been at when I clicked that happy little purchase button was 35 minutes. I do not exaggerate. 35 minutes to explain what I wanted and then explain again, and then explain about the discount code, and then, and I am not making this up, I had to go out to my car, fire up my broadband card on my laptop, and read the URL that I ended up on after clicking on the monitor and entering the discount code. It is less fun that you think to repeat into your cell phone, “no, then a slash, then an ampersand, then a p and an equals sign. no, equals, right, then a question mark…”. It’s pain like I hope even my worst enemy never has to experience. OK, maybe my worst enemy.
And then after confirming my address three times and my credit card twice, I thought the pain had ended. But she called back no fewer than eight times. Was the address in fact correct? Yes. Did I want my confirmation code? No, remember how I asked to have it emailed to me because I’m driving? Oh right. And then she couldn’t get my credit card to go through for some unknown reason. And then it went through fine. It was a never ending cycle of misery and torment.
Then I did some online research (the second greatest invention of all time!) and found that my discount code meant that I was still paying about $500 more than average for the TV I had ordered. So I had to call back. You might think I could at least cancel online, but of course I never actually got that email with my confirmation code. The person on the phone then couldn’t find my order. Did I mean the monitors? No, actually I meant the TV. After 12 minutes on hold, she tracked it down. And why did I want to cancel? Well, the whole $500 more thing. That was a factor. And while I was at it, could I also cancel the mounting hardware? But why would I want to cancel that? Well, you know, since I’m not buying the TV now, I don’t really need the hardware. I only had repeat myself three or four times before she agreed to cancel both.
Finally, I was done!
Only not so much. I got another phone call. Why am I canceling my TV order? I said that I had explained this when I canceled. Yes, but I had explained that to customer service, and this was the sales department. They needed to know too! I asked, couldn’t those two departments just talk to each other? No, they had to hear it from me. Of course they did.
So, two days and a total of over an hour on the phone and I may indeed one day get my monitors. At least I can wait and hope.
Oh online shopping. Please never go away from me again. I promise to treat you with care and respect forever. Like a unicorn.
Random question: If you could have a Buffy crossover movie, what would it be?
I think a Buffy/Hellboy movie would have merit!
(P.S. I consider it to be a defeat if I have to walk into a shop.)
Regardless of the ‘deal’ - if I’m shopping online for items $250 or over, I’m going to tend to stick with more mainstream retailers.
You didn’t give up a name, but I get the feeling this one wouldn’t have been a household name in most circles.
Buffy/Hellboy would indeed be great. A friend of mine (Chris Golden) has written both Buffy and Hellboy stuff.
Buffy/Bring it On would be cool. We find out that just like Buffy, Faith also used to be cheerleader!
Mike, the company is actually a household name. Sadly. They normally do OK though. This was just a crazy experience, I think.
Quite a harrowing experience!!
I risked me life last time I purchased a monitor. I met some guy off of Craigslist in the depths of Brooklyn. He picked me up in his car, then we drove to a housing project to test it out.
I know what you’re thinking, ‘its a bad idea to get in cars with strangers’. Well, I asked if he was going to ’steal’ me before I got in and he told me ‘no’.
Are you going for the monitor tri-fecta?
I have dual Dell 24s - all the real estate is a little much at times - it takes me days to scroll from one side of the desktop to the other.
A claim to fame is that I wrote one of the first (if not the first) reviews of the Hellboy RPG (the paper kind) and earned myself a link from Steve Jackson games as a result.
I wonder if they still have the license after the movies?
Eden Studios at the license for the Buffy RPG but failed to reach an agreement with Fox back in late 06 and didn’t get the continue.
The Buffy board game (http://www.boardgamegeek.com/game/805) comes recommended, though.
Well, I considered 4, as I recently was in someone’s office and they had a really sweet 4 monitor setup, but I decided that might be overkill, even for geeky me.
Andrew, I haven’t played the Buffy board game, although we wrote one ourselves on my Buffy site. Once I get that site all revamped, I’ll do a post on it. I did contribute one liners for the Buffy playstation/xbox games, which was fun.
I would have cancelled the whole order after all that, That’s why when I shop online I shop with small companies as they care more and they don’t have departments that don’t talk to each other.
[...] while back, I ranted about the difficulties of shopping in ways other than those involving browsers and mice. I may have implied that online shopping was a [...]